INTELLIGENCE TEST

INTELLIGENCE TEST - QUIZ FOR THE WISE GUY !
Time Limit: 2 Weeks.

What colour was Rana Pratap's WHITE horse?

If D.D is the short form of DOORDARSHAN, what's the long form?


Would you ask William Shakespeare to:
(a) build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army
(d) WRITE A PLAY

Metric conversion.
How many feet in 0.0 meters?

What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?


What language is spoken in RUSSIA?

How to you spell PURPLE?

Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the

previous five.


Where does rain come from?
(a) Himalayas
(b) Trees
(c) Indian Ocean
(d) the sky

Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
(a) yes
(b) no

What are coat hangers used for?

Which creature is called Giraffe?

Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium
-OR-spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

Where is the first floor in a three story building located?


Advanced math: If you have three apples how many apples do you have?

STUPID'S EXAM PAPER

STUPID'S EXAM PAPER

[This one's little difficult than last year's]

1. Write your name in less than 20 minutes and 20 letters (only alphabet are allowed, no numeric
digits or "_" allowed)

2. Sex?
( ) Male
( ) Female
( ) Don't know.

3. What's your age group?
( ) less than 0
( ) equal to 0
( ) greater than 0

4. What is 2 + 2=?
( ) FOUR
( ) 4
( ) IV

5. If you have one brother, how many brothers
does your brother have?
( ) none
( ) one
( ) question is too personal

6. Complete the following sentence... (4marks)
______ ________ ________ _________ .

7. If there are 365 days in a year, how many days make a year?

8. Read the statement carefully and answer the following question:
"My mother's daughter's brother's mother's mother's daughter's husband's wife is my mother herself".

Q. How many times the word "mother" appears in the above statement?
( ) None
( ) some times
( ) uncountable

9. If someone gives you a rupee for 100 paise, would you get:
( ) One rupee?
( ) 100 paise?

10. Write an Essay on "MYSELF" in not more than three sentences...
(HINT: My Name is ___________ (same as in [1] ).
I am a _______(boy/girl). (I am writing an essay.)

11. If the time is 3.00 a. m., what does your digital watch show?

12. At what time does the 11.16 hours Indrayani Express come?

13. What do you do on a honeymoon?
( ) Collect Honey
( ) Admire Moon
( ) Collect Honey while admiring the moon

14. Earth is Flat?
( ) False
( ) Indeed False

15. If A = B and B = C then is B = A?
( ) TRUE
( ) NOT FALSE
( ) OUT OF SYLLABUS

16. If you eat lunch during lunchtime, what will you have during dinnertime?

17. Think and write the present tense of THOUGHT.

18. Complete the following poem:
Mary had a little lamb
Little lamb little lamb_ (HINT: "." or "@" or"^")

19. This is question number
( ) 1
( ) 19
( ) 20

20. If 2 + 3 = 5, 3 + 2 = 5??
( ) YES
( ) I FORGOT TO GET MY CALCULATOR

21. Write full form of ASAP, as soon as possible ( Hint...As Soon as.. )

22. Opposite of the word "IN" is
( ) NOT IN
( ) CRICKET
( ) HOCKEY


23. What is the capital of India?
( ) India
( ) INDia
( ) INDIA

24. a, e, i, o and u are collectively called "vowels". What are e, a,o, u and i called?

25. Fill in the blank:
I am _________ a letter.
( ) READING
( ) WRITING
( ) SEALING

26. Who was the first MAN to land on moon?
( ) MR. ARMSTRONG
( ) MISS ARMSTRONG
( ) MRS ARMSTRONG

27. What comes first?
( ) the Egg
( ) the Omelet

28. Can you count more than five using your hands?
( ) YES
( ) NO

29. Spell M-Y-T-H-O-L-O-G-Y

30. Mrs. Sinha is Mr. Sinha's
( ) Father
( ) Brother
( ) Son
( ) Daughter

31. Car A starts from X and car B starts from Y. X and Y are located 100 miles apart from each other. How many wheels does each car have?
( ) One
( ) Four
( ) Seven

32. To reach the 12th floor of the World Trade Center, how many buttons would you press in the elevator?
( ) ONE
( ) TWELVE

33. Complete the following series [this question carries 3 marks]
1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, _, _, _.

34. This one tests your imagination. SUN is nearer to India than AMERICA because...
( ) SUN is smaller than AMERICA
( ) One can see SUN, but not AMERICA
( ) I do not have any time left to think on this one.

35. On which day Good Friday falls
( ) Sunday
( ) Wednesday
( ) Saturday

Computer Terms funny

Computer Terms funny

486 - The average IQ needed to understand a PC.

State-of-the-art - Any computer you can't afford.

Obsolete - Any computer you own.

Microsecond - The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.

G3 - Apple's new Macs that make you say "Gee, three times faster than the computer I bought

for the same price a Microsecond ago."

Syntax Error - Walking into a computer store and saying, "Hi, I want to buy a computer and

money is no object."

Hard Drive - The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, esp. after a Syntax Error.

GUI - What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it. (pronounced "gooey")

Keyboard - The standard way to generate computer errors.

Mouse - An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Floppy - The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.

Portable Computer - A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and

on business trips.

Disk Crash - A typical computer response to any critical deadline.

Power User - Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.

System Update - A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.

Things You'd Love To Say At Work... But Can't

Things You'd Love To Say At Work... But Can't

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck.

Funny Definitions, Funny word meanings

Abundance - A baker's exercise (A-bun-dance)
Arbitrator - A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.
Arcade - A lemonade type drink served on Noah's Ark.
Avoidable - What a bullfighter tries to do.
Babysitter - A small child that has not learned to crawl or walk.
Baloney - Where some hemlines fall.
Band-Aid - A fund to help a band.
Bernadette - The act of torching a mortgage.
Burglarize - What a crook sees with.
Cadillac - Lack of cattle.
Contents - Where con men sleep while on a camping trip.
Control - A short, ugly inmate.
Cookout - The cook's day off.
Counterfeiters - Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
Cowlick - Bashing a cow.
Cowhide - Game of Hide and Seek played by cows.
Detail - Removing a tail.
Dieting - The penalty for exceeding the feed limit.
Dog Paddle - A rolled-up newspaper with which to punish a dog without hurting it.
Doughnut - Holey food.
Eclipse - What a Cockney barber does for a living.
Eyedropper - A clumsy ophthalmologist.
Fan Club - A weapon used by a celebrity so he won't be crushed by fans.
Feather Brained - Fuzzy headed.
Feather Head - An American Indian Chief.
Fire Escape - A way for a fire to go out.
First Lady - Eve.
Flying Saucers - The wife is on a rampage.
Funny Paper - (1) A paper that laughs. (2) The paper you read instead of going to church.
Ghost Town - A town full of Haunted Houses.
Girl Scout - A boy that "scouts" for girls.
Good-bye - A bargain.
Gossip - 24-hour teller.
Handicap - A head cover that is easy to locate and wear.
Hardship - A ship protected by thick cover.
Hatchet - What a hen does to an egg.
Hay - Grass a-la-mowed.
Headlight - A dizzy spell.
Heavy Duty - Loading an elephant.
Hence - An enclosure around a hen yard.
Heroes - What a guy in a boat does.
High school - A school atop the Sears Building.
High water - The main reason Noah built the ark.
Himalaya - A rooster that lays an egg.
Holy Smoke - A church on fire.
House Keeper - A lady that kicks her husband out and keeps the house.
Ideal Person - A card player that wants to deal everytime.
Illegal - A sick bird.
Installment - Putting a horse in a stall.
Lad - A short ladder.
Laughing Stock - Cattle, horses, sheep and hogs responding to a good joke.
Layaway Plan - A pre-arranged burial plan.
Laying Down The Law - Putting the law aside and making your own rules.
Left Bank - What the robber did when his bag was full of loot.
Life Jacket - A special coat that lasts a lifetime.
Lip Service - Applying lipstick.
Little Dipper - A small boy diving.
Long Jump - When the cow jumped over the moon.
Matchbook - A book about matches.
Megaphone - A very large telephone.
Mistletoe - Any animal with a toe missing.
Misty - How golfers create divots.
Mohair - What bald headed men need.
Monkey Business - A petstore employing monkeys only.
Moron - Someone that spent all night studying for a blood test.
Moth Ball - A special social event for moths.
Negative Feedback - One result of seasickness.
Network - The process of making nets.
Outfit - Pitching a fit outdoors.
Over Leap - When the cow jumped over the moon.
Overloaded - An elephant riding a bicycle.
Oyster Bed - A place for an oyster to sleep.
Pacifist - One that can't advocate peace without clinching his fist.
Paradox - Two physicians.
Parasites - What you see from the top of the EiffelTower.
Pedestrian - An endagered species.
Period - A comma that curled up and went to sleep.
Pharmacist - A helper on the farm.
Piggyback - A lost pig is back home.
Pigment - A mint plant grown to feed hogs.
Pineapple - An apple that grew on a pine tree.
Polarize - What penguins see with.
Pole Vault - A vault where poles hid from Hitler.
Polite - A light on a pole.
Polygon - A parrot that got away.
Priesthood - A special headpiece for a priest.
Primate - Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
Protest - Testing a professional person.
Put-down - To hot to handle.
Quarterback - Change when you pay for a 75? item with a dollar bill.
Reform - To gain or lose weight.
Refuse - Replacing a burned out fuse.
Relief - What trees do in the spring.
Remind - A brain transplant.
Rest Stop - The traffic light is stuck on red.
Retire - Replacement of tires.
Ringworm - Worm with a bell.
Rock Music - A lullaby sung in a rocking chair.
Roman - A person that never settles very long in one place.
Sausage - "Groundog".
Scorekeeper - Someone that knows the score but keeps it to himself.
Showoff - The show has been cancelled.
Selfish - What the owner of a seafood store does.
Single Entry - Single people only.
Standing Order - Freeze!
Subdued - Like, a guy who, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man.
Sudafed - Brought litigation against a government official.
Sunny - A bright boy.
Sunbeam - A heat proof beam supporting the sun.
Sunburn - What you basked for.
Sundial - An old-timer.
Sweater - A person that freely perspires.
Syntax - All the money collected at the church from sinners.
Teenagers - People who are doing the things you wish we had thought of when we were younger.
Time Keeper - A guy that didn't return your watch.
Tireless - Have a car but have no tires.
Tooth Picks - The choices many dentists give patients to select their artificial teeth.
Touch-Me-Not - A person with a severe sunburn.
Travelers Aid - A soft drink for tourists.
Vitamin - What you do when someone comes to the house.
Waffle Iron - A special additive to put more iron in waffles.
Waterfall - A "watered-down" place in a stream.
Well Done - A water, gas or oil well is completed.
Weekend - A book with a blah ending.
Whether - Unpredictable weather.
Wildlife - Living it up!
Witchcraft - Handmade crafts made for Halloween.
Woodchuck - Throwing a heavy pole, post or other item made of wood.
Workout - An outside job.
Writer - One who corrects a wrong.
Year Book - A book that takes a year to read.
Zero Hour - Time kept by a "cuckoo" clock.

Funny Definitions, Funny word meanings

Abundance - A baker's exercise (A-bun-dance)
Arbitrator - A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.
Arcade - A lemonade type drink served on Noah's Ark.
Avoidable - What a bullfighter tries to do.
Babysitter - A small child that has not learned to crawl or walk.
Baloney - Where some hemlines fall.
Band-Aid - A fund to help a band.
Bernadette - The act of torching a mortgage.
Burglarize - What a crook sees with.
Cadillac - Lack of cattle.
Contents - Where con men sleep while on a camping trip.
Control - A short, ugly inmate.
Cookout - The cook's day off.
Counterfeiters - Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
Cowlick - Bashing a cow.
Cowhide - Game of Hide and Seek played by cows.
Detail - Removing a tail.
Dieting - The penalty for exceeding the feed limit.
Dog Paddle - A rolled-up newspaper with which to punish a dog without hurting it.
Doughnut - Holey food.
Eclipse - What a Cockney barber does for a living.
Eyedropper - A clumsy ophthalmologist.
Fan Club - A weapon used by a celebrity so he won't be crushed by fans.
Feather Brained - Fuzzy headed.
Feather Head - An American Indian Chief.
Fire Escape - A way for a fire to go out.
First Lady - Eve.
Flying Saucers - The wife is on a rampage.
Funny Paper - (1) A paper that laughs. (2) The paper you read instead of going to church.
Ghost Town - A town full of Haunted Houses.
Girl Scout - A boy that "scouts" for girls.
Good-bye - A bargain.
Gossip - 24-hour teller.
Handicap - A head cover that is easy to locate and wear.
Hardship - A ship protected by thick cover.
Hatchet - What a hen does to an egg.
Hay - Grass a-la-mowed.
Headlight - A dizzy spell.
Heavy Duty - Loading an elephant.
Hence - An enclosure around a hen yard.
Heroes - What a guy in a boat does.
High school - A school atop the Sears Building.
High water - The main reason Noah built the ark.
Himalaya - A rooster that lays an egg.
Holy Smoke - A church on fire.
House Keeper - A lady that kicks her husband out and keeps the house.
Ideal Person - A card player that wants to deal everytime.
Illegal - A sick bird.
Installment - Putting a horse in a stall.
Lad - A short ladder.
Laughing Stock - Cattle, horses, sheep and hogs responding to a good joke.
Layaway Plan - A pre-arranged burial plan.
Laying Down The Law - Putting the law aside and making your own rules.
Left Bank - What the robber did when his bag was full of loot.
Life Jacket - A special coat that lasts a lifetime.
Lip Service - Applying lipstick.
Little Dipper - A small boy diving.
Long Jump - When the cow jumped over the moon.
Matchbook - A book about matches.
Megaphone - A very large telephone.
Mistletoe - Any animal with a toe missing.
Misty - How golfers create divots.
Mohair - What bald headed men need.
Monkey Business - A petstore employing monkeys only.
Moron - Someone that spent all night studying for a blood test.
Moth Ball - A special social event for moths.
Negative Feedback - One result of seasickness.
Network - The process of making nets.
Outfit - Pitching a fit outdoors.
Over Leap - When the cow jumped over the moon.
Overloaded - An elephant riding a bicycle.
Oyster Bed - A place for an oyster to sleep.
Pacifist - One that can't advocate peace without clinching his fist.
Paradox - Two physicians.
Parasites - What you see from the top of the EiffelTower.
Pedestrian - An endagered species.
Period - A comma that curled up and went to sleep.
Pharmacist - A helper on the farm.
Piggyback - A lost pig is back home.
Pigment - A mint plant grown to feed hogs.
Pineapple - An apple that grew on a pine tree.
Polarize - What penguins see with.
Pole Vault - A vault where poles hid from Hitler.
Polite - A light on a pole.
Polygon - A parrot that got away.
Priesthood - A special headpiece for a priest.
Primate - Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
Protest - Testing a professional person.
Put-down - To hot to handle.
Quarterback - Change when you pay for a 75? item with a dollar bill.
Reform - To gain or lose weight.
Refuse - Replacing a burned out fuse.
Relief - What trees do in the spring.
Remind - A brain transplant.
Rest Stop - The traffic light is stuck on red.
Retire - Replacement of tires.
Ringworm - Worm with a bell.
Rock Music - A lullaby sung in a rocking chair.
Roman - A person that never settles very long in one place.
Sausage - "Groundog".
Scorekeeper - Someone that knows the score but keeps it to himself.
Showoff - The show has been cancelled.
Selfish - What the owner of a seafood store does.
Single Entry - Single people only.
Standing Order - Freeze!
Subdued - Like, a guy who, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man.
Sudafed - Brought litigation against a government official.
Sunny - A bright boy.
Sunbeam - A heat proof beam supporting the sun.
Sunburn - What you basked for.
Sundial - An old-timer.
Sweater - A person that freely perspires.
Syntax - All the money collected at the church from sinners.
Teenagers - People who are doing the things you wish we had thought of when we were younger.
Time Keeper - A guy that didn't return your watch.
Tireless - Have a car but have no tires.
Tooth Picks - The choices many dentists give patients to select their artificial teeth.
Touch-Me-Not - A person with a severe sunburn.
Travelers Aid - A soft drink for tourists.
Vitamin - What you do when someone comes to the house.
Waffle Iron - A special additive to put more iron in waffles.
Waterfall - A "watered-down" place in a stream.
Well Done - A water, gas or oil well is completed.
Weekend - A book with a blah ending.
Whether - Unpredictable weather.
Wildlife - Living it up!
Witchcraft - Handmade crafts made for Halloween.
Woodchuck - Throwing a heavy pole, post or other item made of wood.
Workout - An outside job.
Writer - One who corrects a wrong.
Year Book - A book that takes a year to read.
Zero Hour - Time kept by a "cuckoo" clock.

ATM FUNNY STUFF

ATM FUNNY STUFF

Difference between men and women when getting cash from an ATM

Men

1. Drive to the bank, park, go to the cash dispenser
2. Insert card
3. Dial code and desired amount
4. Take the cash, the card and the slip

Women

1. Drive to the bank
2. Engine stalled
3. Check make-up in the mirror
4. Apply perfume
5. Manually check haircut
6. Park the car - failure
7. Park the car - failure
8. Park the car - success
9. Search for the card in the handbag
10. Insert card, rejected by the machine
11. Throw phonecard back in handbag
12. Look for bank card
13. Insert card
14. Look for the chit (where secret code written) in handbag
15. Enter code
16. Study instructions for 2 minutes
17. #Cancel#
18. Re-enter code
19. #Cancel#
20. Call Boyfriend/husband to get correct code
21. Enter huge amount
22. #Error#
23. Enter large amount
24. #Error#
25. Enter smaller amount
26. Cross fingers
27. Take cash
28. Go back to the car
29. Check make up in rear mirror
30. Look for keys in handbag
31. Start car
32. Drive 50 meters
33. STOP
34. Drive back to bank machine
35. Get out of the car
36. Take card and ticket back from machine
37. Go back to the car
38. Throw card on passenger seat
39. Throw slip on the floor
40. Check make up in rear mirror
41. Manually check haircut
42. Go into roundabout - wrong way
43. BRAKE!!
44. Go into roundabout - right way
45. Drive 5 kilometers
46. Remove hand brake
47. Stop at mall
48. Spend money
49. Go back to step 1